Whenever I come home to the U.S., I get several reactions to the fact that I live in Africa.
“Um... why would you do that?” Yes, I've gotten that a few times. And a few statements of the like. These are the people who picture mud huts instead of houses, holes instead of toilets, and dirt-filled wells instead of running water. They think of the lack of comfort that Africa has to offer. And, in a way, they are right. I live in a dirty, dusty, hot place where electricity is scarce, water is not always available, and internet is sketchy. No shopping malls, no theaters, no TV, no air conditioning, no Starbucks. That's my world. But I certainly didn't come to Africa because I wanted to keep a comfortable life!
“Oh, that's very nice,” comes from people who think I'm here handing out food to the needy, teaching orphans, or working in a clinic for refugees. They think of those images flashed on U.S. TV screens of starving children in Africa and aid workers who are giving them food and medicine. Yes, that's very nice. It's a good thing to do. But it's really not why I'm here.
“That's wonderful! I'm so glad you are serving the Lord that way!” or similar comments come from committed Christians who see the need for missionaries all over the world. They know that I live here to be a servant, to be used of God to reach both physical and spiritual needs, and that reaching the spiritual needs is of everlasting importance. Sometimes, though, at the end of that statement, they tack on this: “There's so much need there!” Yes there is. But I didn't come to Africa because of the need.
What? That's right. I didn't come to Africa because of the need. Or because I love the people. Or because I think I have something to teach or to give to them.
If I came to Africa because of the need, I'd burn myself out. There is so much need here that no one can ever fix it and make it right. I'd be burning the candle at both ends, trying to feed hungry children, house orphans, teach children how to read, train church leaders how to teach children, and comfort those who are grieving because death and violence are everywhere in this place. And every night, I'd go to sleep knowing I barely made a difference, that my efforts were just a drop in the barrel, and that sometimes, the good that I did do got reversed because of corruption or disinterest. I'd end up leaving Africa, tired, discouraged, and cynical about anyone ever making any sort of difference anywhere.
If I came to Africa because I loved the people, there's a point when I learn difficult, even awful, things about the culture and the individuals I work with. Every culture has faults, mine included. If I came because I thought these people were so wonderful, that they were genuinely needy and would fully embrace what I have to give them, eventually I'd see that is never true, not in any culture. There's always people who act needy just to take what you have to give, who will corrupt good into evil, who will refuse to change even though you offer the tools to help them make their lives better. And if I came because I loved the people, at some point I'd become disillusioned with them and leave full of bitterness.
If I came because I felt that I could give or teach something that would change lives here, well, either it would never be enough to change them completely, it wouldn't be received well, or I'd find that what I thought was important isn't really important to people here.
I can't come to Africa because of any of these things. I come, I live here, I stay here, because, and only because, God called me here. God has a purpose for me being here. On days where I get nothing done because I'm cleaning out rotten food from my warm fridge, standing in long lines at the bank, and waiting for kids to show up to a program I've spent hours planning, only to find out later that they all stayed home to play football, I know that God is using me. I can go to sleep that night knowing my efforts were not in vain, that God uses each day. Nothing is wasted in His plan.
It is not me who is doing any good here. My efforts are never good enough. But God can use those efforts to change hearts and make a difference. He doesn't have to; He chooses to. And He knows how each story will end. He knows the reason behind why I didn't get to share the gospel with this person and why I ended up teaching English to that person. All I have to do is to trust and listen and obey Him. It is an intense sort of resting, a giving up of my own efforts and motives to trust that He is ultimately doing something great here.
I stay because He says “Stay.” And I go when He says “Go”. What a comforting thought to know He is in charge and that I can leave the plans and outcomes in His hands. He is the only One who can work true change. And He has asked me to come here so He can use me in that change. That is humbling. That is exciting. And that's why I'm here.
